Holiness Is Not Choreography: A Lenten Reflection on Grace
Holiness Is Not Choreography: A Lenten Reflection on Grace
By: a.d. elliott | Take the Back Roads - Art and Other Odd Adventures
This has really been a challenging Lent for me.
I have always carried a quiet fear that I have somehow been left behind by the rest of the world, unable to keep up with everyone else. It largely stems from my upbringing, and that fear has only grown louder since the accident.
Fear, after all, is the root of so much sin. In my case, it often manifests as disdain for what I cannot do and irritation toward people wrapped up in their own drama who create situations that are difficult for me to navigate.
And after the latest health complications, it has turned into something sharper, both hostility and an existential crisis.
As you may be aware, Catholicism is a religion of rites and rituals. We have a liturgical calendar that guides the year and a body of dogma that has remained remarkably steady since the Church’s founding. It is something I deeply appreciate. It provides structure, stability, and a default stance when the world becomes too chaotic to parse.
But sometimes Catholicism can feel like a very choreographed dance. If you aren’t performing the choreography, kneel here, fast there, add this devotion, attend that novena, you begin to wonder whether you are really dancing at all.
A freestyle routine doesn’t seem to have much of a place.
Lent, in particular, has become a season of challenges and announcements. What are you giving up? What new devotion have you added? Which traditional practices are you reviving this year?
But this Lent, as my health has forced me to move at a slower pace, I have had the distinct feeling of sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else dance.
And it resurrected that old fear that somehow I am not enough.
The other day, I was reminded of a rather dramatic moment during a Bible study class. Two women went toe-to-toe in a heated argument about Catholic dogma. Ironically, both of them were mistaken, but that did not stop the exchange from escalating into accusations of “not being Catholic” and very nearly devolving into hair-pulling.
It was bad enough that Father addressed it in the following Sunday’s homily.
(Side note: if you’ve behaved badly enough to make it into the homily, it may be time to visit confession.)
Father did not respond with a list of requirements or duties. He did not recite the Catechism or outline a checklist of practices.
He gave a simple rule. If you are baptized and confirmed, you are Catholic. Hard stop.
I have had to remind myself of that truth repeatedly this Lent. I do not have to do anything to be Catholic. Doing more will not make me more Catholic. I am already in the vineyard.
As a Franciscan friar once reminded me, I cannot “ought” myself into holiness any more than I can shame myself into grace.
So this Lent, in addition to surrendering a bit of pride and accepting the use of a cane, I've decided to fast from comparison. I have deleted my prayer app with its endless challenges and unfollowed most of the Catholic influencers.
My path through life has never really been on the main road. Comparing my journey to those on that road has never done much good for my soul.
And perhaps Catholicism isn’t a choreographed dance at all. Perhaps the mistake is thinking holiness is something we perform. Holiness is not choreography. It is cooperation with grace.
Some people move through Lent with beautiful discipline. They fast, they kneel, they attend every devotion, and their steps seem effortless. Others of us limp a little.
We pause along the way. We sit down when the road gets steep. Sometimes we even wonder if we belong on the road at all.
But as St. Francis de Sales once reminded us, “Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.”
So perhaps sainthood is not about dancing perfectly through the liturgy after all.
Perhaps it is simply about staying on the road long enough for grace to meet us there.
xoxo a.d. elliott
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About the Author
a.d. elliott is a wanderer, photographer, and storyteller traveling through life
She shares her journeys at Take the Back Roads, explores new reads at Rite of Fancy, and highlights U.S. military biographies at Everyday Patriot.
You can also browse her online photography gallery at shop.takethebackroads.com.
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